DO NOT WEEP

I promise, I promise, a full length post is coming! Look for “Fibromyalgia, What Makes It Invisible?” in the next week or so! As a writer sometimes we get a moment of such inspiration at times it almost overcomes us. That is exactly what happened to me 4th of July weekend when Paul took a few days off for our version of a mini ‘staycation’. We were going on a gentle ‘outing’ and I was getting ready. I grabbed my notebook and started scribbling the words down so fast and furious they looked as if they were in Chinese or some exotic language. So that would forever be how this poem hit me. It hit me like a truck, just a bit gentler. It came out of nowhere but like a rock falling from a tree. And it stuck. For days the words would play in my head. Over and over I would play with the words and when I got them down on the computer it did not take much, but I sculpted it until it was finely polished and my proudest poem yet…. with a close second being “Freckle Faced Girl” (ALL PICTURES: COPYRIGHT: PAUL GLOVER PHOTOGRAPHY, All Rights Reserved).

COPYRIGHT: PAUL GLOVER ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

How many of us have been shunned and forgotten by family and friends for our illness? I know there are many! I know! Albeit, I confess I have another situation I am also touching in this this poem….. something a decade old…. something you will have to wait for my book to read about. Yes, I will be baring all so any publisher that wants the most unbelievable story they will ever hear, hint, hint. 🙂 All the same, that is not the motive of this poem. The poem says it all. For those who have a chronic illness and have been left by ‘loved ones’ ….. an oxymoron in my opinion. Or even prejudged…. this happened to me with a (then) new, soon to be relative and imploded a certain relationship on my husband’s side of the family. All the same, my husband knows the depths of the kindness of my heart. He knows my illness. It warms my heart that my husband, who sees how hard it is to just get through a day, saw how I was treated by this person. I was ill and hiding it while I was there and yet because I did not ‘act’ the way this person thought I should, I was suddenly the ‘bad guy’. My husband saw right through it. Sad. However, one of the many ways the stigma of fibromyalgia affects those with this cruel and unforgiving condition.  This poem does go outside just my issues with fibro. My counselor says displaced families is an epidemic! So for all those who have been made fun of, doubted, lectured, pre-judged, called negative, not believed or shunned because of their Fibromyalgia or other hidden illness or those who have made a mistake and not given the grace of forgiveness even though you have made every attempt at reconciliation, this is for you:

 

COPYRIGHT: PAUL GLOVER PHOTOGRAPHY: ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

DO NOT WEEP
BY: Kelli Coleman Glover

Someday in the future, when the time has come
Do not weep at my grave, you know me not anymore
Do you remember my name?
Do you remember my soul?
Your tears are a lie, an act at best
They are better spent on a bad movie script

Someday in the future, when the time has come
Do not weep at my grave, hypocrisy is sour
I made many mistakes but my heart overflowed with sorrow
Amends? I have made them
Sincere from deep within
Your heart would not accept it
You shunned every attempt to forgive

COPYRIGHT: PAUL GLOVER PHOTOGRAPHY, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

When I leave this earth do not pretend to be saddened
It is all an act as if you are on a stage
Your love left long ago when you were a young child
Before bitterness turned the glass into a gray and ugly haze

Any emotion you are showing is just for show
The years I reached out to try and mend
Your rejection once stung like nettles from a thorn
Until the nettles sting turned into numbness
So, please do not pretend

Time? It has run out
There is no second chance
Regrets? I have them
But I made my peace
For I made my atonement
Forgiveness? I received it from the Highest Power who gave the Ultimate Sacrifice
I also received mercy from those whose love is unequivocal

Someday in the future, when the time has come
Do not weep at my grave
Your tears are not wanted
The years spent on bitterness
Would have been better spent on forgiveness
You would have none of that
Your heart turned its back
Could you comprehend that hurt people, hurt?
It is not something set to do
Not a deliberate act
So please, no hypocrisy

Kelli_poem_3a

Someday, somewhere in a time in your life
Maybe tomorrow, next week, next year or ten years gone by
You will need someone to forgive you
Believe me the hour will come to pass
Their heart will close off and be silent and bitter
They will not listen and give you a chance
Then you will know the nettles sting of a soul that turns its back

Mistakes? I made many
For life is a never ending journey
Perfection is not bestowed on any human soul
Only regret
Learning from our wrongs
Reaching out to extend our sorrow
Compassion from our fellow traveler
For we all are imperfect
Someday in the future, when the time has come
Do not weep at my grave
For you knew I carried pain
My body so ridden with distress
It was hard to face the world

COPYRIGHT: PAUL GLOVER PHOTOGRAPHY, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

You mocked my condition as others did
Though it was always there
You turned your head
I never knew a day that did not have pain
Nights that were sleepless with the raging monster within
You did not ever inquire
You did not even care
So go find a soul who needs a sympathetic tear

Find a long lost baby
Find a paupers tomb
Find a rock that is used as a marker
Find stone with only a name
No dates or information
I know there are souls out there who could use some compassion

Kelli_poem_a

For when the day comes
There are plenty of people who loved me for the person I am
They forgave my wrongs and opened their arms
They saw the woman who wasn’t perfect
However, a woman who tried her best
A woman who loved with all she had
A woman who lived in pain and hardship
And always gave a smile to her fellow man

If I had to do over
There are many things I would change
The list is very long
And not worth dredging the pain
The one thing I would keep the same
And this I know is true
Even though your soul has turned cold
I do not regret you

I love you but you love me not
Your tears are in vain, so please
When the time comes someday
Do not weep at my grave

Kelli_poem_2

A perfect song to go with the perfect poem? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hW8J4fWCeaY  ….. it just…. is.

 

Until next time, K.

8 thoughts on “DO NOT WEEP

    • Thank you so much Tina! Your support, as always, is so appreciated. May your pain be lite and your days be blessed. Kelli. 🙂

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