Friendly Fire

friendlyf1When most of us think of friendly fire, we think of two soldiers on the battlefield both fighting for the same side and then in an instant one accidentally kills the other. This is a horrific event and certainly causes a tremendous amount of collateral damage not only to the mortally wounded and his or her family, but to the one who causes the fatal shot. However, what is friendly fire in chronic illness? I really do not even know if this term has ever been used or invented so I am branching out on uncharted territory here and branding it if it has not yet been used in this case. Friendly fire in the sense of the chronic illness world: those of us with Fibromyalgia, CFS/ME, M.S., Lupus, RSD, Lyme, Spinal injuries/damage and any other condition that can fit into the category is simply this: not respecting each other in the way we each choose to handle our illness. None of us present exactly the same symptoms and problems. None of us respond exactly the same to treatments…. whether it be medication, nutrition, exercise, physical therapy, counseling or the many other ways we chart our course to treat our conditions.

In the last month alone I have been attacked by a reader because I am able to go to the YMCA and participate in arthritis warm water classes. I am the youngest member of my class, at least by 20 years. This embarrassed me for a long time but then when all the lovely, funny, wonderful people in the class started to embrace and talk with me, I felt so at ease. I simply cannot afford physical therapy and it had been suggested to me by several of my health care providers that warm water therapy is excellent for Fibro. So I tried it. And guess what? It feels wonderful! It is not exerting at all, and as most Fibromites know, we can all attest how wonderful a warm shower or bath feels. This is basically the same only add a bit of movement and socialization. I make no apologies for this and it is quite hard to get out of the house at times, but it has helped some. Not a lot, but some. And I actually think just getting out of the house and socializing with these lovely people is 1/2 of the effect.

This same woman attacked me for being able to go to the store a couple times a week. What she does not know is when I go to the store, I only go to pick up a few light things. I am all but housebound. If I did not get out at some point during the week, I would lose my mind. I have no problem with someone questioning something I write if it is a true, intelligent question. But this person rambled in poor grammar to boot. To not embarrass her …. because trust me, it would… I did not approve her rambling attacks. Some bloggers would approve her attacks just to embarrass her. I did notice, however, on her Facebook page she has pictures of herself out at the lake, on the beach and at several social settings. She also noted she was staying in a hotel. Take it from me as someone who has, in the past, traveled a lot, checking into a hotel takes a lot of energy. So I find it hypocritical to attack me for doing my best when it is clear she is not as much of an invalid as she claims. As they say, a picture is worth 1,000 words.

I am trying to help people here. I realize not everyone is going to like and/or agree with what I say. Nonetheless, rather than issue a verbal assault, why not just move along in peace. I do not make any money from this blog. It is a labor of love to help others in this journey and to hopefully raise awareness to people who want to learn more about Fibromyalgia and Spine issues. We have got to stick together. I see so much squabbling and arguing amongst the chronic illness community, it saddens me.

When we in the chronic illness community fight and attack each other, we are really doing more harm than good. Even if we do not agree on each topic, treatment, method or protocol, it is imperative to respect each other and the personal choices we make. The one thing we do know about all these auto immune and like conditions is no two cases are exactly the same

When we in the chronic illness community fight and attack each other, we are really doing more harm than good. Even if we do not agree on each topic, treatment, method or protocol, it is imperative to respect each other and the personal choices we make. The one thing we do know about all these auto immune and like conditions is no two cases are exactly the same.

In the last few days I had posted a video from a “Doctor” in Las Vegas who makes big bucks on making fun of various illnesses. From Ebola to Influenza, if it kills, he parodies the disease and is getting quite rich and famous doing it! I am not quite sure what is funny about the suffering and death of hundreds and thousands of people, but I guess where there is a buck to be made…. no matter how unethical… people will cash in. I attempted to post this video to my page and simply put it as such: IF this video offends you, please speak up. I had three Facebook friends dislike the video for the same reasons. Two of my Facebook friends launched a campaign on the evils of drugs and how no one should use them for any reason. One stated even over the counter medications were evil. I quickly gave my side. Simply put, many of us cannot get by on air, nutrition and exercise alone. Many of us follow our pain contracts to the tee. Many of us work hard…. walking the tightrope of using as small a dose of meds we can to achieve a livable life vs. not being labeled an ‘addict’. Personally, I would rather see a Doctor with a syringe full of steroids than one who wants to offer me more medications. In fact if I were offered meds, I would decline them. I am not supposed to take NSAIDS. It is quite dangerous for me. I have started taking them again because of the issues I am having with migraines. Note NSAIDS instead of leaning on the prescription meds. I stated that I had said, “If you are offended, speak up, if not, that is fine, move on in peace.” I thought that would be the end, but it was not. friendlyf3The debate continued. Since it was stressing me out and it was my wall, I just deleted the whole conversation. One person messaged me and accused me of being in ‘defensive mode’. I wrote twice in my post and in the message that I felt the video was a double whammy: making fun of addiction (something as the daughter of an alcoholic, I do not find funny) and making it look like every single person in pain management is a pill popper (False!). Most people listen with the intent of talking. In other words they do not listen. The other ‘friend’? She blocks someone on a nearly daily basis. She complains every day about how bad her pain is, posting pictures of various selfies of ‘faces of pain’ yet refuses meds. I am not sure why she blocked me. I did not insult her and in fact I did not even respond directly to her, I simply pulled the post. If she thinks it ruined my day, it is the farthest thing from the truth.

Great words to live by! We have each got to respect that each of us respond to our illness in various and unique ways. My pain is not your pain. Who am I to tell you how to manage your illness? I would not dare!

Great words to live by! We have to respect each other and the fact that we each have a unique illness. The way I manage my pain is not going to work for everyone else. My pain is not your pain. Who am I to tell you how to manage your illness? I would not dare!

Each of us in this walk has a unique story to tell. This is not a rubber stamp illness and in fact I have layered issues… Fibromyalgia and a really messed up C-Spine (putting it rather mildly). My C-Spine needs at least one total reconstruction but thinking they can get it in one surgery is optimistic at best. There is only one Doctor in my city that has even agreed to take my surgery. I am also facing the likely event of another diagnosis of a 3rd autoimmune illness in the next few months and though we do not know yet, our bets are on MS. Stay tuned.

Rather than tell each other how to manage our illness, why not worry about our own illness and be supportive of our brothers and sisters and their walk. The DEA just cracked down yet again and the laws and restrictions are very tight. I am proud of myself and I know Paul is very proud of me. I am far worse today than I was five years ago, yet I am less medicated now because of the utilization of the wonderful epidurals and how wonderful they are in the management of my neck pain. Still, I do need some help from medications. But even my pain management Doctor notes that he is surprised, given the extent of my Fibro and neck damage that I can get relief from the low amount of meds I am on. My NP at my Internist office even noted on my last visit that my meds had lightened a good bit! It is a tightrope. And I am not ashamed. I have a lot of stuff going on. I am proud that I am know what to utilize and how to utilize it. I am able, if needed, to go to the ER in a pinch and get a Torodal shot (NSAID) which is non-narcotic. These are the things that will give us, the chronic pain patient, the reputation of not being a pill seeker. Now, if we can just get respect and support from our brothers and sisters in pain. That is the real test! Until next time, K.battle2

6 thoughts on “Friendly Fire

  1. You are so right on. We need to focus on treating our own illnesses and being a good, sound support system for each other. Different things effect different people in different ways. No two patients are just alike. What absolutely kills me may not effect someone else and vice versa. I wish I wasn’t on pain meds. I HATE the stigma that goes along with it. The looks from the pharmacy staff, the judgements, the retentive pharmacist who refuses to fill your prescription if it is 5 minutes early. I can’t stand it but I am getting better at rising above it. I think. Maybe. Lol, anyway, offering my unlimited love and support!!! Jenn

    • I agree Jenn… and as I said in the blog, it is the worst when it is ‘from our own’, the ‘friendly fire’. As the one that blocked me…. simply because I pulled the thread from my wall…. stated, “It’s not a normal day til I have to block someone, I guess, LOL”.
      If she is blocking people daily (for simply having a differing opinion), it is obvious she has issues. She also talks daily about how terrible she feels…in depth…. yet judges people who takes medication including OTC. In other words, any one who dares to have a differing opinion gets the chopping block. Sad.
      As for you, you know you have my support. We all should support each other. Sadly some just do not get it. 🙁

  2. I love the quote from Plato, “Be kind …..”
    Please take no notice of anyone who is not kind.
    I wish you a respite from pain and fatigue,
    Best wishes, Anthea

  3. Hi, Kelli. You are so right. My husband and I have both had arthritis since around 30, but our ailments differ. And he, being a guy, simply powers thru, and intimates often tha t I am a whiner, and lazy. However, I moved to MORE arthritis at 36, and got my first suggestion of fibro back then. I brushed it off, and figured they just had no idea what was wrong w\ me, so I moved on. With “move on” type encouragement from hubby, who really is a dear and means well, but still thinks it’s all in my head. Anyhow, in my 40’s, after moving to the Midwest from Kern County, Ca, and losing my mom the same year, along w\ minor other dramas, I suffered a true nervous breakdown, which began a 10 yr long bout of depression and increasing fibro symptoms. Long story short, I’m better now, but it has been a long hard road. Much of my battle created some counts and negativity in my Hubby’s mind, about my welfare, and he is quick to share his thoughts and criticisms. Some may be well-founded concerns, but most are ridiculous. To me, anyhow. Now, I am troubled with trying to make career changes to accommodate and ease the chronic pain and lack of former abilities. Two years ago, I tearfully had to give up my horses, due to finances, but mostly it was an admission that I am no longer physically able to deal with them. Enter 1 and a half yr depression and anger. I’m better now, and have chickens and meat rabbits, and enjoy deer hunting. Good came from bad, I guess! (-: Just wish my husband believed oir understood this. He now suffers daily with terrible pain in his shoulders, from arthritis and previous old injuries; I am kind and empathetic, and try to understand, but he sometimes wants to make it a competition in that his malady is “real”, whereas mine surely isn’t. Competition!

    • Hi Laurie! I am sorry to be so behind on all the blog entries! Wow! It sure is a small world, isn’t it? Did you go to the B school or the S school? I grew up on the 800 block of Woodrow and moved to the Stockdale area when my parents divorced when I was in 7th grade (well began the process of their divorce anyway). Yeah, moving from Oildale to Stockdale in the mid ’70’s was a total culture shock =8-O !!!!!! I was in Bako when I know I developed Fibro and moved shortly into my illness when my 1st husband accepted a job offer in the Blue Ridge Mt. of Virginia. So here I stay. The weather changes and cold winters have not been kind to me like the mild California so. San Joaquin weather would have been. I am also presenting with new symptoms and seeing a Neurologist. Stay tuned. :-/ I would love to talk to you. Look for me on FB or if you would like I can e mail you and we can talk more. Again, sorry for the delay. I have been a bit behind because of these other health issues. Stomping out (health) fires.

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