I wrote a little poem. After my 5,000+ words post on Fibro awareness and all the research that entailed, my brain…. and all its fog…… needed a little break. So in anticipation of my next full post, “The Lite Side Of Fibro: If You Don’t Laugh, You Won’t Stop Crying”, I decided to let my fingers go to town and write this poem.
I do dabble in poetry and when I do it is usually pretty heavy. Typically therapeutic, poetry has been a good catalyst for me in many ways to sort out and deal with pitfalls and tragedies in my life. I believe fibromyalgia or the taking of ones ‘spunk’ would count as a ‘tragedy’ so here you go,
THE MONSTER IN ME
BY KELLI GLOVER
The Monster Inside Of Me
What is this monster that lives in me, it steals so much of my life away and causes misery
It comes to me as pain and fatigue, it comes as a stomach crushing with a fit of rage
It plays on my skin like pins and needles, it grabs my head as if it were in a vice grip on a carpenters table
What is this horror story my life has come to be, of nights without sleep but I need sleep more than I ever have, will slumber ever come?
Now I have a repeat nightmare to chase away: Will that ever go away?
What is this light so bright and smell so overwhelming? Every fiber I feel sends shocks up my skin that send me yelling
Sounds and smells, Bright lights and crowds; it is all too much to take, when your senses have no brakes
Many family and friends think I am attention seeking , if they could just be me for a day, they would know the true overwhelming pain and collateral damage this monster is wreaking
Judgment and stigma would be removed, if they only knew what it is really like
To sit up in the long hours of the black of the night; alone and in pain but not a noise I can make
The time I spend curled in a ball with a hot pack as my best friend
My partner in life who shares this hell and carries the weight of life’s responsibilities and demands
This monster dictates my life and I should not have to prove it, but alas! I do, I have this horrible condition and I hope it never finds you!
What is this rasp upon my voice? What are these aches in my fingers and toes? What is this ache? Down my arms they go! Oh No! The dreaded flare!
Now the pain is amplified and the senses multiplied; the pain is horrifying to the point you want to die. No hope left in your soul and you have nowhere to go.
As if the monster wasn’t enough, it flares its ugly head and gets worse
It feels as if you are walking with heavy balls chained to your legs, it feels as if you have been beaten to a pulp
Will this monster ever ease, will the stigma ever stop? Will there be awareness and compassion and a cure, I pray! I hope and pray that someday, someday….. this horrible monster will go far, far away
For inside me is a girl with a colorful, bohemian twirl
I want to frolic in fields of flowers and dance in the sun
I want to hike up great mountains and chase the sun into the night
I want to play in the ocean, running in the tide
If my body could do what my soul is feeling, I would be unstoppable
No one could keep up with me
But the monster wins each battle, each and every time
It is a force I cannot reckon with so I hope in time,
There is cure, a treatment ….. something to help
Because I have a lot of living left to do, the monster may win the battle, but it will not win the war
Until Next time, K.