It has been 3 1/2 years since I left Liberty Medical and my Doctor disabled me out of work. Little did I know that this process would turn into a 3 1/2 year fight which included my husband taking multiple jobs, numerous health issue setbacks, more paperwork than I ever thought possible, financial issues of devastating proportions and so much more if I were to undertake writing in full, it would be a book and not a blog post. Since I filed the first papers my health has declined so rapidly it is scary, I have changed my entire medical team and now have what I have dubbed my ‘medical dream team’ and I feel I know a whole lot about this long, called “The Social Security Disability Process”. My appeals decision, Fully Favorable. process
Not only did I get a Fully Favorable decision, I imagined it be this great climactic moment with the background music swelling and slow motion up to the moment of revaluation. It was completely opposite. In fact I said two things: My name and “Yes” upon being sworn in. After talking to my attorney nearly an hour two days prior to the hearing and going over the ability for me to shut my trap… “Less is more, less is more” became my mantra for two days ….. it seems ‘intelligence’ is a detriment and not an asset in this case. In fact my attorney laughed and said, “If your were not so obviously disabled, I would love to hire you!”. In this case it was simple: I am one sad, sick lady. Justice was served. There was no other way to go in this labyrinth if we were to find our way out. There was one and only one direction. I will also add there is nothing more sobering than to see your medical records… all 2,000 pages …. and knowing that 1,000 pages were during the last year alone.
The night before the hearing, my next door neighbor and bestie Eva brought over hugs, prayers, good wishes and something else. She handed me a small, see through package. In it contained a small, pewter Angel. She said this angel was a ‘traveling’ Angel and it had been all over the world. It was to stay with me until someone close to me needs it for a similar reason. The minute she handed me this little Angel, I felt a great sense of peace. I knew everything was going to be alright. I had been searching for a sign from God, and this was it. In fact while I was a bit nervous going in, I was not near as nervous as I ‘should’ have been given what was at stake. I was not smug, I just was not anxiety stricken Kelli……. the girl sitting in the seat about ten feet away and three feet lower than the judge. God had my back and my traveling Angel was firmly at my side. It also helped that I had the truth. I am so utterly broken, there is no possible way I can hold down any job.
Paul had settled down into his seat after using the facilities. He was starting to thwack himself for not bringing reading material when the door to our hearing room opened and out we walked. I knew it was not long, but I would later find out we had been in there about fifteen minutes. The minute he saw us coming out he knew it was either very good… or, very bad. The moment he saw my face he knew, all was well.
Time is odd. It can stop when we are waiting for something good or go so fast you blink. A child that you once held on your lap is now graduating High School and you wonder where the time went. My Granddaughter was an infant when I first filed for disability. She is now a year from starting Kindergarten and as smart as a whip. She can use her Daido’s I-Pad like a pro, knows her numbers and letters, can swim, build play-doh creatures and had an infinite imagination. She was not even crawling when I filed my first papers. So it would stand to reason that this ending….. a bittersweet victory to my existence such as it is….. would swell with climatic music and moments of intense drama. It did not. It was short and sweet and I was more a ‘fly on the wall’ than the subject of the hearing.
Happy is not the correct word, relieved is a better word. I had dreams and great ambitions for this point in my life. I have slight ADD which means the brain cannot stop even when the body does. I am not one just to ‘sit’ and watch TV. In fact my TV only goes on one hour each day as is (40 mins if I use the DVR). No, happy is not a good word. You cannot be me, living in this pain and be ‘happy’. It is the true definition of oxymoron. However, I am relieved to finally get some of the pressure off of my amazing husband…. a man who does so much and complains so little. He still does have a life and I would like to give some of his life back to him.
I see God’s plan in all of this. And it takes me to back to that word, time.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
I realize this timing was God’s plan and it takes me back to that January day in 2011 when I initially filed the first time. I remember the nice man at Social Security saying, “If you get denied the first or even 2nd time, don’t give up hope. What happens with people that are disabled is they tend to get sicker and sicker and eventually get approved.” It was a spot on call. I feel It was meant to be this way for a reason. God’s timing; His perfect timing. Nonetheless, the truth has been there and always was there. I will add one small victory, as I see it. When completing the endless paperwork, Paul and I did not list Fibromyalgia as my number one of approximately twelve issues that disable me. Honestly, my neck, Fibro, migraines and IBS, it is a draw, really, as to which to list as the number one of about a dozen issues. If you add in the latest findings from the hospital (which I am keeping private for now), the potential for these latest findings opens up an entire new list of possibilities…..and I do not mean good ones. However, on the list in the ruling, Fibromyalgia was listed as the first item. I see this as a very huge victory for Fibromites! This shows that the judge recognizes that Fibro is real, evil and life robbing. Sadly, the list is long and most issues beyond repair at this point. The truth was presented and justice was served. I thank all who prayed and sent positive energy. Most of all, I give all the Glory to God. Until next time, K.
Cast me gently
For the night has been unkind
“Answer” ~ Sarah McLachlan